I’ve never been big on Christmas. The holiday has always been more nerve-wracking than enjoyable. For years I used to do just about everything I could to celebrate the holiday as little as possible.
Many times I would stay home by myself and watch horror movies while eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve then late in the night I would finally put up my tree. Christmas Day I would spent time with family, exchange gifts, cook dinner, and visit. Then the day after Christmas I would quickly take everything down and put it away.
I know this anxiety stems from family issues that I really don’t want to go over in detail but let’s just say there were many unpleasant holidays in the past, enough to make me want to avoid the holiday as much as possible. But now things are different.
I have a husband and, with any luck, we will have one of his daughters living with us this Christmas. I want to make the holiday nice for them but I’m fighting my own anxiety over it all. Last year was the first holiday with my husband and it was a bit disappointing. He and many others were laid off the weekend before Christmas. We had known it was going to happen. They told us it was coming. His last day was the Friday before Christmas, on our first anniversary. Because money was going to be short until he found a new job, we agreed to not do much for Christmas. We didn’t get a tree, or give each other presents. What decorations I put up, I made from things we had in the house.
This year Tony has a great job and we are in a wonderful apartment and we should have a teenager with us to celebrate. I want to make this year nice for her. She has anxiety issues too and I think that is something I can help her with. I want to give her a lot of good memories while she is with us. I think a great Christmas is a good start.
Tony and I have already planned where to put a Christmas tree and where to hang our stockings. I want to bake cookies and make homemade decorations. I want to take her to the holiday markets they have here in Germany, the stalls are already going up around town.
Even though I don’t usually like Christmas, I find I am looking forward to making this a good holiday for my step-daughter. With any luck this will be the start of our new family really coming together.