Stress, Stress, and More Stress

Today Tony left to go to an interview in Germany. I have three days and two nights alone. I’m fine with the days but the nights, not so much.

I can tell Tony is feeling the stress of looking for a job here in Europe. Our situation is so complicated, living in Denmark as married couple with Chilean and American citizenship’s. Tony has to find a job with a company that is willing to help him get a work permit for that country. Not all companies are willing to go through that.

The situation is further complicated by the fact that our apartment lease will be up in April, which is also when income will stop coming in. If Tony does not have a job and a new work permit by then we are going to be in a very tough place.

Worst case scenario, we can go back to the U.S. and stay in my parent’s rental home until we can get a green card for Tony and he can find a job there. At least in the U.S. I could find a job quick and could have some money coming in until he lands a job. But that is really the last resort. Neither of us wants to go back to the U.S. right now.

Do not get me wrong, we love the U.S. and will most likely move back there one day but the political climate there is so horrible we would rather wait and see where things go the next presidential election before we commit to moving back there. We’d rather spend a few years in Europe where Monsanto doesn’t own the food supply and the Koch brothers do not finance election campaigns.

To add to the stress, just when I get set up on some freelance job sites to find copy-editing and writing jobs, my computer keyboard decides to act up. Everyday different keys decide to not work right. Sometimes the shift won’t work. Luckily it seems to stop after I’ve been trying for a while but until it warms up it is a huge pain in the butt and very aggravating.

I do not have enough money left in savings to buy a new computer. In fact, if I do not get my income tax refund in a timely manner I will not have enough money in my checking account in the U.S. to cover my student loan payments in about two months. And the payments will go up in about 3 months.

Now if all of this wasn’t enough stress, we just got word Saturday that my husband’s aunt is dying. She sent him a message to say goodbye. I was privileged to meet her and her husband just once. They are wonderful people. She and I talked pretty much nonstop during our meeting, just like Tony and I did when we first met. She and I have a lot in common. I haven’t yet said my goodbye to her. I may do that later today. I know I can’t wait too long.

If you are thinking that is a lot of stress you are right but wait, there is more.

This past week my mother, who is my best friend and I cannot imagine not talking to her every single day, has gone in for a full checkup and found she has lumps on her thyroid. She says it’s nothing to worry about and should be easy to take care of but they are doing more tests to find out exactly what they are. I worry about what the outcome could be.

And last but most certainly not least, last night I found out a friend of mine has died. He and I have known each other since we were about 14-years-old. He was a very kind soul. He was married and has a 17-year-old son he was very close to. He had a lung transplant and for some reason his body chose to reject them. He is going to be greatly missed.

So this is where I am at today. Trying not to stress eat, which is my typical go to coping mechanism, and finding ways to relax and have faith that somehow Tony and I can work together to get through all of this. He is a great support and I can’t imagine being married to anyone better.

I am confident that he will find a job soon and we will get back on track to moving his daughter here with us from Chile. We hope one day his other daughter will want to make the move with us too but for now she is happy where she is and it is more important that she is happy than bugging her to come live with us just because we want her to. Though I might push Tony to bug her a little about it.

So for today I’m going to try to apply for a few more writing jobs and pray I can do it without throwing my computer across the room because I have to press the “e” and “i” 5-6 times to get it to print one “e” or “i” and because I have to use the caps lock key to print a capital letter. Not to mention the frustration and time it takes when I need an “!” or any of the other symbols that require the shift key. Lord help me!

 

Next up: Searching for My Place

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